Chocolatecious: December 2009

Geez

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Dosa apa aku 2 hari ini.
Berturut turut aku papasan sama dia. Berturut turut ketemu sama dia. Berturut turut denger nama dia disebut. Aku kan jadi susaaaaaah. Perasaanku jadi ngga keruan gini ini.

Kemarin, bisa bisanya dia tiba tiba ada di perpus, tempat yang sama sama aku pas aku kabur pelajaran pak lamri. -.-

I've never been so close to him before. Well, actually I have. S2EC 2k9.That was the first time. He talked to me. haha. But, that's it. Nothing more. He never talk to me again after that.

Hahahah. Apa apaan iniiiiiiiiiiii ??!!!
Sudah, sudah, cukup. Aku bisa mati.

another love story

Why Do I Give It So Much Thought ?

Thursday, December 17, 2009

It's just a comment on my friendster account. It's not a biggie.
Stop.
Stop thinking about it !
It's just a COMMENT. He wouldn't do anything else but that.
So, STOP it.

STOP THINK-ING A-BOUT T-H-A-T !

euforia

Santa Claus Is Coming to Town

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Just changed my template.

Aaaaaand I love this one ! It is SO Christmast. haha.
Nine days remaining to Christmast day ! I really really can't wait ! haha. Such a baby talk.
But, yeah, watchout people !

Santa Claus Is Coming to Town !!

♥,
-JCO-

highschool

Bon Anniversaire

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY

for my class-next-door-boy. the one I had been fallen in love with. the one whom I experienced unrequited love with.

Happy 17th Birthday !

I'm sorry I couldn't say it out loud, directly to you. Because it's just too akward to meet you and greet you by person.

Wish you all the best. :)

crush

Dibutuhkan dan Membutuhkan

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Sebenarnya bukan aku tidak megerti perasaannya dan tidak mau tahu.

Sebenarnya bukan karena aku merasa dia tidak sayang padaku.

Sebenarnya bukan karena perhatiannya padaku itu kurang.

Tidak.

Hanya saja, aku belum terbiasa menjadi seseorang yang dibutuhkan orang lain. Seseorang yang harus tahu bagaimana bersikap kepada orang yang membutuhkannya itu. Aku buta tentang hal hal seperti itu. Selama ini aku merasa aku lah yang membutuhkan mereka. Teman-teman, saudara. Tapi aku tidak dibutuhkan. Sehingga jadilah aku, yang hanya tau cara bersikap agar mereka mereka itu mau menjadi seseorang yang aku butuhkan.

Dan sekarang, tiba tiba aku dibutuhkan. Oleh seseorang yang aku tahu akan sangat sangat sangat kubutuhkan, sekarang, nanti, dan entah sampai kapan. Sebagai suplai jiwaku, sebagai suplai hidupku. Yang aku tahu aku akan mati begitu dia sudah tidak bisa lagi menjadi orang yang kubutuhkan.

Tapi ya, aku memang salah. Aku masih sangat sangat egois sebgai individu. Yang hanya tahu akan kepentinganku. Tidak dengan kepentingan orang lain. Kurasa omongan papaku ada benarnya, "Jangan egois. Perhatikan keadaan di sekelilingmu. Jangan terlalu cuek."

emo is back

It's Not About Him, It IS About You

Saturday, December 12, 2009

It''s not about him. Not anymore. It IS and will always about you.

I said that I remembered him somehow.

But it's not because I still have any feeling on him. It's just, the pain that you've made me suffer recently, that what makes me remember him again.

Because I thought, with you, I would never felt the pain that I have suffered for more than 1 year. And when I felt it again, it was a shock for my system. A system that has been used to the happiness, the euforia when I met you. A system that has been forgot bout how pain feels like.

And so the shock began, it reacts with the memories about him that left. Memories about him, her, my junior high school, his basketball club, his class, my class, and the pain that he made. So my body can reacts the way it has to. And since what my system came up with is my memories bout him, I remember him.

The same pain, the same feeling about the pain, different person who make me suffer that uneasy feeling once more.

crush

Pretty Boy - M2M

Saturday, December 12, 2009

I lie awake at night
See things in black and white
I've only got you inside my mind
You know you have made me blind

I lie awake and pray
That you will look my way
I have all this longing
in my heart
I knew it right from the start

Oh my pretty pretty boy I love you
Like I..
Never ever loved no one before you
Pretty pretty boy of mine
Just tell me you love me too
Oh my pretty pretty boy I need you
Oh my pretty pretty boy I do
Let me inside
Make me stay
Right beside you

I used to write your name
And put it in a frame
And sometimes I think I hear you call
Right from my bedroom wall

You stay a little while
And touch me with your smile
And what can I say to make you mine
To reach out for you in time

Oh my pretty pretty boy I love you
Like I..
Never ever loved no one before you
Pretty pretty boy of mine
Just tell me you love me too (tell me you love me too)
Oh my pretty pretty boy I need you
Oh my pretty pretty boy I do
Let me inside (let me inside)
Make me stay (make me stay)
Right beside you

[BRIDGE]
Oh pretty boy
Say you love me too

Oh my pretty pretty boy I love you
Like I never ever loved no one before you
Pretty pretty boy of mine
Just tell me you love me too (tell me you love me too)
Oh my pretty pretty boy I need you
Oh my pretty pretty boy I do
Let me inside (let me inside)
Make me stay
Ooooo, right beside you

songs i sing

The Day You Went Away - M2M

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Well, this is my song 2 years ago. When I was still suffering for my my heart-broken.

♥

Well I wonder,
Could it be
When I was dreaming 'bout you baby
You were dreaming of me
Call me crazy,
Call me blind,
To still be suffering is stupid after all of this time

Did I lose my love to someone better
And does she love you like I do,
I do, you know I really really do

Well hey
So much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true
For me there's only you
Been lonely since the day,
The day you went away

Go On, Yay ee heh hay Oh

I remember
Date and time
December 3rd
Thursday twenty-five after nine
In my cellphone
Text from you
No longer shouting at each other
There were tears on our faces

And we were letting go of something special
Something we'll never have again, I know
I guess I really really know

Well hey
So much i need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true
For me there's only you
Been crying since the day
The day you went away
(The Day you went away)
The Day you went away
Go on, Yay...

Oh oh oh
Did I lose my love to someone better
And does she love you like I do, I do
You know i really really do

Well hey
So much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true, for me there's only you
Been crying since the day
The day you went away

Why do we never know what we've got till it's gone
How could I carry on
The day you went away

Cause I've been missing you so much I have to say
Been crying since the day
The day you went away
The day you went away
The Day you went away...

Go On, Yay ee heh hay Oh

another love story

There's still a 'room' for him

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Think I'd forgotten him. Think I'd swept him away from my mind. Think I'd gotten him away from my heart. Think it has healed.

But, Do you know?

It HASN'T.

Though it's not as painful as it was before, but still, I can feel it. The pain that always attacks me right after I remind his name, his figure. The thing is, I don't really mind to feel that pain. The pain that is the only thing to make me sure that you was real. Since you was no longer visible to me. Only memories that left. Memories 'bout your scent, memories 'bout your hand that always held my hand, memories 'bout 'your song,' memories 'bout' your-lovely-basketball.

Everything just gets worse all the time.
First, in my first year of high school, I saw your 'twin'. He just looked like you. That really breaks my heart.
That was the first time I realize that I miss you, a part of me is missing you badly.
That was the first time I realize that the feeling I have on you is love.
Then, in my second year (has been 1 year I've been waiting for you. knowing that it's impossible, but still, I do it), I met your another 'twin'. The boy-class-next-door. He screwed my heart just like the one before. Because I fell in love wif him. Silly. The story actually is not this simple.
But it's enough to woke me up that you're not so worth to be waited and to be fighted for.

But, again, my life story is never this simple.
I made a big big big mistake and that was a big big big idiocy of mine. I opened the album of my school's class meeting, June 2009. There is photos of him. The twin of yours. The boy-class-next-door. I remember 'bout how I have fallen for him, and so I remember 'bout you.
And this what makes that is a big big big mistake of mine.

I've had a BOYFRIEND. I am no longer single. God has fulfilled my wish.
The fact that I still can feel the pain is wrong. The fact that I save a tiny room for you can't be right. It will hurt him as well. I shouldn't do this.
God, I am bad. Really bad.

emo is back

Classmates

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Sejak kepulanganku dari Madiun kemarin, kok kaya nya ada yang aneh sama kelasku?

Ya, kelasku jadi sedikit beda. Mereka aneh. Entahlah, mungkin cuma perasaan. Mereka jadi lebih individualis (lagi). Atmosfernya jadi beda. Aku ngga suka. Sumpah. Aku takut lama lama rasa ngga suka ini jadi benci. Aku ngga mau aja itu terjadi sementara aku masih harus 2 tahun lagi sekelas sama mereka. Kan ngga enak jadinya rasanya..

miscellaneous

SIAL

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

oke. 3 hari kemarin aku bener2 sial setengah mati.

hari jumat, pulang dari TP ke GO abis nonton newmoon (lagi) sama bibo naek taksi, aku kehilangan dompet. gara gara si dompet ketinggalan di taksi. udah taksinya ngga jelas. jadi ngga bisa telpon atau lapor kemana mana. pas di kelas GO, aku mutusin charge hape orang. ngga sengaja tak dudukin. bego ya?

hari sabtu malam, aku di madiun. mau ngadirin mantenan sodara. tapi aku nyampenya malem. jadi ya nanggung gitu dateng ke acaranya. fudge.

hari minggu, ngabisin waktu di madiun dengan sia-sia. modem yang tak bawa sama sekali ngga berfungsi.

hari senin, pulang ke surabaya. pas nyampe di krian, sekitar jam 8, rem mobil rusak. ngga bisa dibawa terus mobilnya, soalnya kalo dipaksa remnya kebakar. --". akhirnya mobil dititipin di tukang tambal ban deket deket situ. kaya orang mbambung (sekitar jam 9) nyari taksi ato tumpangan. dan akhirnya nemu "sewaan" mobil seharga Rp 225.000,-. dan akhirnya sampe di rumah jam 10.15

besoknya, langsung sekolah lagi. --""

crush

Taylor Swift - Breathe

Thursday, December 03, 2009

I see your face in my mind as I drive away,
Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.
People are people,
And sometimes we change our minds.
But it’s killing me to see you go after all this time.

Mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm

Music starts playin’ like the end of a sad movie,
It’s the kinda ending you don’t really wanna see.
Cause it’s tragedy and it’ll only bring you down,
Now I don’t know what to be without you around.

And we know it’s never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, noone here to save me.
You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I can’t,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.
But people are people,
And sometimes it doesn’t work out,
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.

And we know it’s never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I can’t,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

It’s two a.m.
Feelin' like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know it’s not easy,
Easy for me.
It’s two a.m.
Feelin’ like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know this ain’t easy,
Easy for me.

And we know it’s never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, noone here to save me.

Ohhh

I can’t,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Sorry (oh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry

crush

It's Not That Easy

Thursday, December 03, 2009

My daddy came to my room when I was crying.. wth. Where's my privacy?

Okay, that's not the point. The thing is, when he asked me, "What happened?" and I said that there's nothing and he just left, I thought he won't give it a thought. But the fact was, yes, he's coming back. He asked the same question with a little adding, "You have a problem with your BF, don't you?".

How did he know that ??

Yes, I HAVE a problem with my BF. But I can't just tell him everything I feel. It's just.... weird. I just nodded my head to answer him

Then he said,"Why do you give it so much thought? When you two have to break up then just it."

WHAT ??!
I can't believe what he said to me !

I know he's jut trying to care wif me. But that's not it.
Daddy, It's not that easy. There are still many things to be considered of.

Thank's for trying to understand my problem, Dad.

crush

Forever & Always

Thursday, December 03, 2009

Kukira aku sudah lupa rasanya. Sakit itu. Lubang itu. Kukira sudah sepenuhnya mengering, sudah sepenuhnya sembuh waktu aku memutuskan untuk tidak lagi memikirkan dia.

Ayub.

Susah payah aku berusaha melupakan nama itu. Susah payah aku menghilangkan bayangannya dari dalam pikiranku. Seseorang yang mengukir lubang itu di dadaku untuk selamanya. Yang sebelumnya kukira bisa sembuh, kini aku tahu, bahwa itu tidak.

Saat kukira aku tidak akan pernah merasakan hal itu lagi, aku salah. Lubang itu terbuka lagi. Masih dengan rasa sakit yang sama. Masih dengan perih yang sama. Masih dengan airmata yang sama. Masih dengan gejala sama yang menyerangku sesudahnya. Hanya kepada orang yang berbeda.

Dan aku nggak tau kali ini kenapa aku merasakan sakit ini, kenapa aku nangis. Yang aku tahu hanyalah, everything is way harder now.

Why can't we be like we were before? When everything is so simple, so easy. When you are not so complicated. I miss the moment of our happiness together. I miss your laugh. I miss your smile.

crush

Taylor Swift - Forever & Always

Thursday, December 03, 2009

Once upon a time, I believe it was a Tuesday when I caught your eyeAnd we caught onto somethingI hold onto the night, you looked me in the eye and told me you loved me

Were you just kidding?
Cause it seems to me, this thing is breaking down
We almost never speak
I don’t feel welcome anymore
Baby what happened, please tell me
Cause one second it was perfect, now you’re halfway out the door

And I stare at the phone, he still hasn’t called
And then you feel so low you can’t feel nothing at all
And you flashback to when he said forever and always
Oh, and it rains in your bedroom
Everything is wrong
It rains when you’re here and it rains when you’re gone
Cause i was there when you said forever and always

Was I out of line?
Did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide
Like a scared little boy
I looked into your eyes
Thought I knew you for a minute, now I'm not so sure
So here’s to everything coming down to nothing
Here’s to silence that cuts me to the core
Where is this going?
Thought I knew for a minute, but i don’t anymore

And I stare at the phone, he still hasn’t called
And then you feel so low you can’t feel nothing at all
And you flashback to when he said forever and always
Oh, and it rains in your bedroom
Everything is wrong
It rains when you’re here and it rains when you’re gone
Cause I was there when you said forever and always
You didn’t mean it baby
I don’t think so

Back up, baby, back up
Did you forget everything?
Back up, baby, back up
Did you forget everything?

Cause it rains in your bedroom
Everything is wrong
It rains when you’re here and it rains when you’re gone
Cause I was there when you said forever and always

And I stare at the phone, he still hasn’t called
And then you feel so low you can’t feel nothing at all
And you flashback to when we said forever and always
And it rains in your bedroom
Everything is wrong
It rains when you’re here and it rains when you’re gone
Cause I was there when you said forever and always
Didn’t mean it baby
You said forever and always yeah

Newer
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Older
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Chocolatecious

Geez

Geez

Why Do I Give It So Much Thought ?

Why Do I Give It So Much Thought ?

Santa Claus Is Coming to Town

Santa Claus Is Coming to Town

Bon Anniversaire

Bon Anniversaire

Dibutuhkan dan Membutuhkan

Dibutuhkan dan Membutuhkan

It's Not About Him, It IS About You

It's Not About Him, It IS About You

Pretty Boy - M2M

Pretty Boy - M2M

The Day You Went Away - M2M

The Day You Went Away - M2M

There's still a 'room' for him

There's still a 'room' for him

Classmates

Classmates

SIAL

SIAL

Taylor Swift - Breathe

Taylor Swift - Breathe

It's Not That Easy

It's Not That Easy

Forever & Always

Forever & Always

Taylor Swift - Forever & Always

Taylor Swift - Forever & Always

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Geez

Why Do I Give It So Much Thought ?

Santa Claus Is Coming to Town

Bon Anniversaire

Dibutuhkan dan Membutuhkan

It's Not About Him, It IS About You

Pretty Boy - M2M

The Day You Went Away - M2M

There's still a 'room' for him

Classmates

SIAL

Taylor Swift - Breathe

It's Not That Easy

Forever & Always

Taylor Swift - Forever & Always

About me

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Tuhan, Kenapa Aku Nggak Punya Teman?

Pedofil ?? Nggaklah...

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No One Else is Gonna Love Me When I'm Mad

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