I used to think I'm the only one you care about
I used to think I'm the only one who be able to make you happy.
I used to think I'm the only one who care so much about you
I used to think I'm the only one who be able to make you laugh
I used to think I'm the only one you make joke with
I used to think I'm the only one you greet in the morning
I used to think nobody else but me.

I used to.

The only one.

Now, I'd never know.

"Thingsmayinfluencepeopletochangebutitdoesn’tforcethem. Theychoseto."

"Themindrecognizewhattheheartistryingtodeny"

Mendengarlah untuk Didengarkan
Menurutlah untuk Diturut
Mengertilah untuk Dimengerti
Hormatilah untuk Dihormati
Pahamilah untuk Dipahami
Memaafkan untuk Dimaafkan

Karena semua yang ada di dunia ini punya efek timbal balik. Kalo kamu mau didengarkan, dipahami, dimengerti orang lain, lakukan hal itu dulu kepada mereka. Jangan menuntut orang untuk mengerti kamu, tapi coba kamu mengerti mereka supaya kamu dimengerti. Itu sudah hukum alam.

Please, lend me something to hold on.
I barely able to stand still. Everything's spinning around me.
My heart's beating hardly. I barely able to breathe.
It's aching again.
But my tears won't running again this time. Ever.
I barely can express my feeling these time lately. It has hurt too much.

Help me. It's hard.

Pernahkah kamu merasakan perasaan ini?
Terlalu sedihnya perasaanmu sehingga kamu tak mampu lagi merasakan apapun. Semuanya mati rasa. Semuanya abu-abu.

Aku sedang berada dalam fase itu.
Aku tidak merasakan apa-apa. Aku tidak bisa merasakan apa-apa.
Aku mungkin tertawa, tapi hatiku tidak.
Aku mungkin tersenyum, tapi hatiku tidak.
Aku sedih, tapi hatiku tidak sakit.
Aku sakit, tapi aku bisa tidak menangis.
Air mataku tidak mau keluar lagi.
Mati rasa.

Akhirnya aku bisa bilang semuanya. Semua yang aku nggak suka, apa yang bikin beberapa hari ini jadi kaya gini, apa yang aku mau. Rasanya lega.

Tapi keadaanku sekarang nggak jauh beda. Semuanya masih kelihatan abu-abu. Sekarang sepertinya masalahnya lain lagi, ya.

*SIGH*

Udahlah, aku biarin kamu diem selama yang kamu mau aja. There's no point talking it.
Just so you know, I'm still here.
Waiting. :)

Good night fellas. Here I am again. In my worst condition, need something to release my temper. Sooo I end up here. Before I close my day today. It's almost midnight!

I am in a quarreling with my boyfriend. Again. I don't know how I could do this. We made up in the afternoon, then got another quarreling in the evening. How could I be able to stand all of these?
Urrrrgh..........

So, here's the thing.
I do not believe my bf. At all.
Well, it's not because I won't. I can't. I haven't been able to trust another man after what that man did to me. It's just..real complicated and..hard. So that it pops another question, if I'm not ready yet to trust another man, why taking risk having a relationship?
What I do now, is just repeatedly hurt him.

*Big Sigh*
I need a lot of time to think.
One question if allowed : You want me to believe in you, but why do you always seems want to break my faith in you?

I found the pieces in my hand
They were always there
It just took some time for me to understand
You gave me words I just can't say
So if nothing else
I'll just hold on while you drift away
Cause everything you wanted me to hide
Is everything that makes me feel alive

REFF : The cities grow
The rivers flow
Where you are, I'll never know
But I'm still here
If you were right and I was wrong
Why are you the one who's gone
And I'm still here
Still here

Seeing the ashes in my heart
The smile the widest
When I cry inside and my insides blow apart
I tried to wear another face
Just to make you proud

Just to make you put me in my place
But everything you wanted from me
Is everything that I could never be

REFF

Maybe tonight
It's gonna be alright
I will get better
Maybe today
It's gonna be okay
I will remember

I held the pieces of my soul
I was shattered and I wanted you to come and make me whole
When I saw you yesterday
But you didn't notice
And you just walked away
Cause everything you wanted me to hide
Is everything that makes me feel alive

The cities grow
The rivers flow
Where you are, I'll never know
But I'm still here
If you were right and I was wrong
Why are you the one who's gone
And I'm still here
The lights go out, the bridges burn
Once you're gone, you can't return
But I'm still here
Remember how you used to say I'd be the one to runaway
But I'm still here

I wake up every evening, with a big smile on my face
And it never feels out of place
And you're still probably working at a 9 to 5 pace
I wonder how bad that tastes

When you see my face hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell

Now where's your picket fence love
And where's that shiny car,
And did it ever get you far

You've never seem so tense love
I've never seen you fall so hard,
Do you know where you are


And truth be told I miss you (truth be told I miss you)
And truth be told I'm lying

(Oooh)
When you see my face hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that's
worth a damn and treats you well (treats you well)
Then he's a fool, you're just as well hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell

Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself
Where'd it all go wrong, the list goes on and on
And truth be told I miss you (truth be told I miss you)
And truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that's
worth a damn and treats you well (treats you well)
Then he's a fool, you're just as well hope it gives you hell


Now you'll never see, what you've done to me
You can take back your memories they're no good to me
And heres all your lies,
You can look me in the eyes
With that sad sad look that you wear so well

When you see my face hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that's
worth a damn and treats you well (treats you well)
Then he's a fool, you're just as well hope it gives you hell

When you see my face hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you hear this song and you sing along oh you'll never tell
Then you're the fool, I'm just as well
Hope it gives you hell
When you hear this song I hope that it will give you hell
You can sing along I hope that it will treat you well

Tengah malem gini, aku baru sadar. Sebenernya aku sayang. Sayang banget.
Aku juga sadar, kalo tadi aku udah jahat banget.
Maaf.
Aku sayang kamu.

You really don't get it, do you?
Sampe kapan kamu mau ngerti kalo bukan salah kirim-nya yang aku permasalahkan.
Bukan juga aku merasa kamu lebih perhatian ke dia, dibanding aku.
Bukan juga aku nggak tau kalo kamu sayang sama aku.
Aku juga tidak menolak percaya sama kamu.

Tapi poin dalam masalahku disini:

1. Ada orang yang kamu perhatikan selain aku. Dan aku tau seberapa intim kalian. Aku tau kamu masih lebih perhatian ke aku, tapi inti disini bukanlah 'perbandingan jumlah' tetapi 'ada orang selain aku'
2. Aku tau kalian teman. Tapi taukah kamu kalau DULU, dia juga ber'teman' dengan banyak wanita. Dan semua wanita itu juga dia akui padaku, 'teman'.
3. Aku benci 2 poin di atas.

"Maaf"
Untuk?
"Udah bikin kamu marah"
Kenapa?
"Iya, tau yang tadi."
Apa?
"Salah kirim."
Bukan salah kirimnya. Berapa kali aku bilang. Ngapain gitu lho aku marah2 cuma karena salah kirim. Nggak penting ya to.
"Iya, iya maaaaf. Uda jangan marah2 lagi dong"

Terserah kamu deh sekarang, sayang. Kamu mau perhatian ke siapapun, dengan bentuk apapun, aku nggak akan jealous2an lagi. Kaya anak kecil, iya kan? Terserah deh, itu hakmu. Terserah. Kamu jadiin aku prioritas ke-sekian belas juga nggak apa2. Hakmu juga. Nggak bakal deh aku marah2 lagi. Janji deh.