Insecurity is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving of oneself to be unloved, inadequate or worthless (whether in a rational or an irrational manner).

A person who is insecure lacks confidence in their own value and capability, lacks trust in themselves or others, or has fears that a present positive state is temporary and will let them down and cause them loss or distress by "going wrong" in the future.

This is not to be confused with humility, which involves recognizing one's shortcomings but still maintaining a healthy dose of self-confidence. Insecurity is not an objective evaluation of one's ability but an emotional interpretation, as two people with the same capabilities may have entirely different levels of insecurity.

Insecurity may cause shyness, paranoia and social withdrawal, or alternatively it may encourage compensatory behaviors such as arrogance, aggression, or bullying, a principle enshrined in the phrase "all bullies are cowards." Many people suffer a period of insecurity during puberty, which gives rise to a lot of the stereotypical behaviors of adolescents.

Insecurity has many effects in a person's life. There are several levels of it. It nearly always causes some degree of isolation as a typically insecure person withdraws from people to some extent. The greater the insecurity, the higher the degree of isolation becomes. Insecurity is often rooted in a person's childhood years. Like offense and bitterness, it grows in layered fashion, often becoming an immobilizing force that sets a limiting factor in the person's life. Insecurity robs by degrees; the degree to which it is entrenched equals the degree of power it has in the person's life.

As insecurity can be distressing and feel threatening to the psyche, it can often be accompanied by a controlling personality type or avoidance, as psychological defense mechanisms.

from: wikipedia.org

That is what wikipedia tell. But for me, insecurity is just an insecurity. You are being not sure with yourself. And that's what I've been feeling for this past couple days. It's all started from this 'mading' competition on UBAYA that was held by its pharmacy faculty. There was just 5 participants. All of them were from private school. So, the only public school is my team. From the beginning, they all had been sssooooo intimidating. They all made a big-big-big 'mading', a wow-'mading'. The one that my team can't compete. Mine is sssoooo minimalist, so small, can't be compared to them. Ugh. 

Here come the final day, the judging day. There were 4 champions, the favorite one, and the big three. Aaaandd, the last one that lost, is MINE.

It's not the lost that has made me feel this bad, it's the humiliation that I got. I feel so embarrassed. I felt like wanna drawn or vanished or gone just at the time when they read the result. I tried to keep smiling. But it's just not working. I went home with no spirit left. I've been thinking, "Am I the bad luck?". And so I feel insecure. 

I mean, I've been in competitions recently, but no one won. I feel guilty to my friends. It's like I'm the one who caused all of these.