Chocolatecious: crush

Joyeux Premier Anniversaire

Saturday, October 05, 2013

In English it means Happy 1st Anniversary.

Puji Tuhan selama setahun sama Mas Nanda, nggak pernah yang namanya berantem gara-gara cemburu, gara-gara krisis kepercayaan, gara-gara gak pernah ngeluangin waktu, dan semua hal-hal yang menghantui pasangan LDR. Puji Tuhan nggak pernah berantem gara-gara hal besar dan lebih dari satu malam. Puji Tuhan kami saling support. Puji Tuhan kami mau mengerti satu sama lain. Puji Tuhan hubungan kami dewasa. Puji Tuhan aku ikut bertambah dewasa.

It's been a year with Mas Nanda, 7 months of Long Distance Relationship, and will still get going, amen :)

Him: "Nggak kerasa ya, perasaan baru kemarin kamu foto bareng aku habis yudisiumku..hehe"

Jatuh cinta kepadamu sungguh menyenangkan, setiap hari.

another love story

Don't I Deserve to Know?

Sunday, December 11, 2011

There is saying, "If you care about someone, they deserve to know".

Yeah. It is that simple.

If you can't get me a relationship, that's okay with me. It is not like I'm ready yet either with another page of relationship. It's not about relationship at.all. Problem is, I know if you know that I like you, but the way you've been acting and treating me is kind of frustrating. You've been kind of avoiding me, we're not talking to each other anymore, you do not come to me with your problem anymore. Is that because you know I like you so that you do not want us to be any closer? But, when I got into an accident, you did care. In the most ignorant way an attention could be, yeah. But still, you cared.

So what is it? Don't I deserve to know? You owe me at least that much

another love story

You Are Happier When You Are Less Caring

Monday, September 12, 2011

I learn that precious sentence today. You'll be much much and much more happier when you decide to stop caring about something, someone, anything too much.

Well, I used to like this guy in my college so much. And I was like...care too much. I can't take my eyes off of him even just for a second. Like, oh please. Like, really. I was like got really worried and cautious if he is off of my eyes. I am feeling like a creep, indeed. But then, I realize, what's worth it? Nothing. You get hurt, but he would never know. You like him, you couldn't tell him either. You keep all of them by yourself, lock them inside you, no one ever know how exactly you feel. Nothing is ever worth the pain you feel. The pain of not being able to tell. The pain.

So, I decide to stop giving even a damn thing about him. I like him, but nothing is ever worth the pain.

another love story

Tell Me Why

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Dear my heart, tell me if you're okay. I don't how many times you've been through this kind of stuff.

Unrequited Love. EPIC SUCK.

WHY?

Why give me the feeling if not the guy?

If just someone could tell me why

This feeling of not be able to talk your feeling out loud. This feeling of missing someone but not be able to do anything. This feeling of just be able to look at that guy you like silently. This feeling of keep guessing about who is the girl he likes or what kind of girl he may like or if it's even possible for him to like me. This feeling of feeling hurt but don't know where to say that you're hurt. Those feelings are slowly killing me.... And I'm not strong enough to bear with it. I am not strong enough.

crush

For Everything's Sake

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

It’s over. Like, really. Like, everything.

I know that you must be really hated me right now. It’s okay, hate me all you want. For me, I’m just saving our lives. You said yourself that you are tired of saving this relationship. So then, what’s the point of holding on when everything is just sooo hard? For me, I just can’t anymore. I am tired. Tired of having argues, tired of jealousness, tired of holding on you.

Looking at your friends, it’s hard not to get jealous. It’s hard not to think that they’re better than I am. It’s hard not to think that they suit you, not me. And I am tired of feeling all of those. Why do you keep telling me to ignore it? It can’t be ignored. Look at me! In the princess and the pauper story, I’m the pauper, and they’re princesses. I'm trying so hard not to let those trashy things get into my mind. But, can't. And any other things? There's still many. So, I just…..can’t anymore.

Please understand.

Thank you for everything, for the (actually) amazing 16 months.

I’m so so so so sorry.

another love story

Ugly Little Things

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I have stressed enough not to getting into something like this. AGAIN. The same thing for like, the many times. Well, actually, I am confused as well. I don't know why I still have spaces and times to be bothered by stuffs like that. I mean, hello, it's not the most important thing right now, with me, in the senior year. There are still like thousand other things to be more concerned about.

Do you know what I hate most?

That I don't even able to do a revenge on him, even once. It is sickened me out. (oh, help). I just want him to feel what I felt so he wouldn't do that ugly same thing ever again.

crush

Taylor Swift - If This Was a Movie

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Last night I heard my own heart beating
Sounded like footsteps on my stairs
Six months gone and I'm still reaching
Even though I know you're not there
I was playing back a thousand memories baby
Thinkin bout everything we've been through
Maybe I've been going back too much lately
When time stood still and I had you

Come back come back come back to me like
You would you would if this was a movie
Stand in the rain outside til I came out
Come back come back come back to me like
You could you could if you just said you're sorry
I know that we can work it out somehow
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now

I know people change and these things happen
But I remember how it was back then
Locked up in your arms and our friends are laughing
Cause nothing like this ever happened to them
Now I'm pacing down the hall
Chasing down the street
Flashback to a night when you said to me
Nothing's gonna change not for me and you
Not before I knew how much I had to lose

Come back come back come back to me like
You would you would if this was a movie
Stand in the rain outside til I came out
Come back come back come back to me like
You could you could if you just said you're sorry
I know that we can work it out somehow
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now

If you're out there, if you somewhere, if you're moving on
I'd be waiting for you ever since you've been gone
I just want it back the way it was before
And I just wanna see you back at my front door
And I'd say

Come back come back come back to me like
You would before you said it's not that easy
Before the fight before I left you out
But I'd take it all back now

Come back come back come back to me like
You would you would if this was a movie
Stand in the rain outside til I came out
Come back come back come back to me like
You could you could if you just said you're sorry
I know that we could work it out somehow
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now

You'd be here by now
It's not the kind of ending you wanna see now
Baby what about the ending
Oh I thought you'd be here by now oh ohh ohh ohh
That you'd be here by now

crush

Kebutuhan, Emosi, Trauma?

Friday, July 30, 2010

Kenapa

Setelah sekian lama, 3 tahun, aku masih punya keinginan itu ?

Kenapa

Bahkan aku sendiri merasa menjadi orang terjahat sedunia ?

Kenapa

Aku mengklasifikasikannya sebagai kebutuhanku ?

Meskipun bukan kebutuhanku yang mendasar, aku terganggu. Kenapa, sesudah selama ini, sesudah aku melibatkan banyak orang lain dalam kehidupanku, sebanyak ini, hatiku, pikiranku, dan semuanya hanya akan, tetap, selalu kembali kepada dia.

Aku benci akan diriku sendiri.

Aku merasa menjadi orang terjahat sedunia. Menyakiti orang lain, bukankah itu tak termaafkan? Bagaimana caranya aku meminta maaf kepada orang yang kusakiti hatinya itu? Apapun yang kulakukan, apapun, kupikir, dia tak akan pernah memaafkanku. Aku tahu, aku sadar.

Aku masih merasa punya kebutuhan untuk bertemu dia, melihatnya, di lapangan, bahkan membayangkannya. "Kebutuhan". Aku bahkan benci harus menggunakan kata itu. Benar itu kebutuhan? Aku nggak tahu. Mungkin hanya sebuah ketidak-mampuan ku untuk melepaskan diriku dari masa lalu. Sekali lagi, aku benci diriku sendiri.

Padahal aku sendiri tahu dan sadar bahwa setelah hal diatas terjadi, lalu apa? Tidak akan terjadi apa-apa. It's not like he'll be remembered me, or he'll talk to me, or anything my brain has pictured. It's not like that. I've known that. Since a long time ago. But stil...

Aku seperti tidak bisa lepas dari belenggu emosiku sendiri. Aku ingin lepas, ingin. Tapi aku yang terlalu lemah.

Maafkan aku, orang terjahat sedunia.

another love story

Faith, Trust, and Other Similar Things I Should Have In You

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Judulnya panjang, wew. (._.)

Ehm, nggak tahu juga harus mulai topik ini darimana. Err, started at the day I caught you. Being that friendly and unmistakable close to her. You know exactly who this her is. Actually, not just her, but, them. Haha. Ahh, I always feel a bit ridiculous and odd and anxious at the same time as I feel jealous.

Well, skip that. Because I'm not gonna tell about how this has affected our relationship and how we managed this trouble, but how I managed this thing to myself.

To be honest, I still feel that odd and uneasy feeling I can barely named it every time I pass one of them or see their facebook or am bumped into them or anything related to them, until right now. I don't know how to not to. Sometimes, those feelings I feel, are not all about jealousy. They can be a lack of self-esteem. Most of the time. Though you have said that I am still the best or whatever it is, still, it's not helping at all.

Yes, you have all the rights to be mad at me now, because once more, I doubt you.

crush

Friday, June 11th 2010. 11:42 pm

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Tonight was reeeaaaallly a night. We went out for a date, again, at last. :D It's been a whhiiiile since our last date. It's like.....months ago. --" We've always been fighting, quarreling, teasing aallll the time recently. Says, we do need a break, don't we?

I'm sooooooo happy. >< Ugh, it do sounds cheesy, I know. But, what else? I am really truly happy right now. I am, I am.

Dia jemput jam setengah tujuh. Aku baru mandi jam setengah enam, jadilah aku terburu-buru dengan segalanya. --" *kebiasaan* But fortunately, I could finish on the time. :D

Pamit mama papa, cabut ke Delta, nonton Prince of Persia-bagus sih filmnya, keren, cuma adegan bunuh2annya itu yang JT-jauk tulung-parah. --" Pulang nonton jam 9, lanjut ke Jl. Kalasan cari tahu campur, makan deh disitu. Sampe jam 10, masih males pulang, tapi makanan udah abis. Akhirnya cabut. Bingung mau kemana, pokoknya males pulang deh, akhirnya muter2 geje. Jam 10 seperempat, memutuskan untuk pulang saja, udah malem, aku nya juga udah ngantuk. =.=

Sampe depan rumah, ngomong2 bentar, tiba2 udah jam setengah sebelas. --" Dan akhirnya pulang lah dia.

Tonight, was like a fairytale, a dream, which I knew, when I wake up tomorrow, everything's gonna be soo different, I can't make the situation stays like this forever. Of course, I can't. When I wake up tomorrow, tonight will be just a memory. A nice one, a beautiful one, a beautiful one with you. :)

crush

Nostalgia de Telenovela

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Dua minggu ini, meskipun lagi UAS, aku tetep dateng kaya biasa, pagi, jam setengah tujuh. Biasanya aku langsung ke perpus kalo udah dateng pagi gitu, secara aku, kelas sebelas, UAS nya baru jam sepuluh. Tapi, seminggu terakhir ini, perpus baru buka kalo yang kelas sepuluh uda masuk. Kemarin2 sih rajin aku nunggu di depan perpus, lama2 kok males juga.

--a

Jadilah aku langsung ke kantin. Seperti dugaanku, kantinnya uda lumayan rame. Anak kelas sebelas yang ~~semangat~~ dateng pagi nggak cuma aku. Aku duduk di salah satu bangku, pesen mi goreng buat sarapan sambil baca2 LKS bahan UAS penjaskes siang tadi.

Satu setengah jam aku disana.

Jam delapan. Mi goreng uda abis, LKS uda selesei dibaca, males juga lama2 di kantin. Kemana ya? Dan akhirnya aku memutuskan buat ke perpus aja, pasti uda buka.

Jalan pelan-pelaaaan, nyantaaaai, dari kantin ke perpus. Sampe di sebelah gerbang sekolah-masih dalam perjalanan ke perpus-aku liat motor cowok-ngga tau mereknya-warna merah jalan ke parkiran. I totally had no idea who it could be.

Aku terus jalan. Dan sampailah saya di lapangan utara, tempat parkir mobil. Pertamanya aku nggak ngeliat ke arah depan, tapi liat2 ke arah samping, arah pendopo, ngecek kalo2 disana udah ada anak, ternyata belom. Dan pas aku menggerakkan kepalaku ke depan...

Jengjeng!

Ada anak itu bawa helm merah. --a

Ternyata dia yang tadi naik motor merah itu. *Cikiciw*

Yang bikin lebih unyu, pas waktu papasan itu, di lapangan itu nggak ada siapa2 alias kosong melompong. Cuma ada beberapa mobil yang parkir di situ.

Demi apaaa pek kejadian itu. Berasa ada angin2 gitchu deh pas papasan *sinetron banget*. HUAHAHA. --a

Errr -.-

Dan sepenggal kisah lama muncul kembali di otak saya. Ya Tuhaan. -.-

another love story

Gini Ini Salah ta?

Saturday, June 05, 2010

Aku nggak suka kamu deket sama orang lain, jelas itu. Aku minta kamu jauhin mereka, ya. Kamu bilang kamu butuh mereka, aku ngerti. Kamu bilang kamu juga butuh aku, baiklah.

Kamu anggep aku ini apasih? Cuma pajangan ta? Yang bisa kamu sayang2 kalo kamu lagi pengen, kamu elus2 kalo lagi mood, kamu perhatiin kalo lagi seneng. Tapi kalo kamu butuh pajangan lain, ya uda, nggak perlu merhatiin perasaanku. Karena sama2 pajangannya.

Hell-o, aku dihargain berapa nih?

Jadi aku minta kamu jauhin pajangan2 yang lain.

Kamu takut bosen? Hei, hei, berarti aku benar2 nggak lebih dari sekedar pajangan. Yang kalo udah lama bakal berdebu, bulukan, mbosenin, dan akhirnya terdampar di gudang. Oh so wew!

Okay, kamu akhirnya bersedia menjauhi pajangan2 yang lain. Tapi seseorang berkata padaku, kalau aku bisa positive feeling dan percaya, nggak akan ada masalah.

Hmmmm, well, he's got a point.

Aku jadi mikir, apa aku kaya gini ini, salah?

another love story

Apa Itu Cinta

Thursday, June 03, 2010

Apa itu cinta,
Jika artinya rasa sakit
Apa itu cinta,
Jika artinya kamu membagi cintamu
Apa itu cinta,
Jika artinya kamu merelakan cintamu dengan orang lain
Apa itu cinta,
Jika artinya kamu menangis tiap malam
Apa itu cinta,
Jika artinya tidak bisa hanya pada satu orang
Apa itu cinta,
Jika artinya dadamu sesak setiap kamu melihat dia bercanda dengan yang lain
Apa itu cinta,
Jika artinya menyiapkan mental sebelum masuk barisan upacara
Apa itu cinta,
Jika artinya membuyarkan segala konsentrasimu

APA.ITU.CINTA.

cinta itu: bukan apa-apa.

crush

Used to

Monday, May 31, 2010

I used to think I'm the only one you care about
I used to think I'm the only one who be able to make you happy.
I used to think I'm the only one who care so much about you
I used to think I'm the only one who be able to make you laugh
I used to think I'm the only one you make joke with
I used to think I'm the only one you greet in the morning
I used to think nobody else but me.

I used to.

The only one.

Now, I'd never know.

crush

Trauma Masa Lalu

Monday, May 31, 2010

Teman dekat. Teman curhat. TTM. 'Adek'. Apapun lah. Satu: Other girls.

I don't know what to do, what to tell. Only me who understand my feeling the best. Sampai kapan trauma ini akan hilang, aku nggak tahu. Bukan aku mau menyimpannya. Hell-o, siapa juga yang mau trauma, nggak ada kan?

Hei kamu, bisa kan bantu menyembuhkan, bukan memperparah?

crush

27 Mei 2009

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Aku buka facebook ku pagi ini. Di halaman home, ada list birthday event. Siapa aja yang ulang tahun minggu ini. Di list agak paling bawaah...ada nama anak itu. Ulang tahunnya hari kamis.

Deg!

Darimana perasaan kaya gitu muncul, aku nggak tau. Rasanya campur2. Deg2an, takut, segalanya. Tanganku pun jadi dingin.

Apa yang aku takutkan?

I'm wondering...what he will give to her. There's no sign, though, he will do something to her. But still...

*SIGH

another love story

NOTHING to Talk About

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Yes, I tried to talk this evening, with some little quarreling though. And....it was not succeed, but...it was not a failure either.

It was not a mistake --> finally, I can say what was in my head these past couple days. I can tell him all of my worries, my fears, my wants, my feelings. I can get to know him better, knowing what has had troubled him so much lately.

It was not a success --> we end up with no conclusion, no solution for the real problem. Everything is just the same again. The whole conversation just make me realize, that there's obviously nothing left to talk about. I should have realized it in the first place. That problem, is unsolvable, the result is just going to be the same. No matter how many times we're going to talk about it. There's no way to figure it out.

Well, despite of those above, I am relieved.

Finally, we can communicate as well as usual. No weird feelings, no "just forget it" thing, just the usual, the normal one. I think, this 'miss each other' feeling which did it. Well, thank you. I can sleep tight tonight

crush

I Need to TALK

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Enough of all these silence. I really need to talk. We need to talk.

We can't keep act like there's nothing going on between us; like we're just fine; like we're just as happy as usual; 'cause I told you, we're not.

There clearly is something. Something that for months we pretend there's not.

Come on, you said that you're a grown-up. Then please, act mature. Talk to me. Talk about our problem. Let's fix this. Not to try buried them away unsolved.

And, please, when we talk, please, for God's sake, don't be so self-concerned, listen to the others; do not find the one who's wrong and the one who's right, there's no point in it; we are finding the solution.

I'm fed up with those.

crush

What Now

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Akhirnya aku bisa bilang semuanya. Semua yang aku nggak suka, apa yang bikin beberapa hari ini jadi kaya gini, apa yang aku mau. Rasanya lega.

Tapi keadaanku sekarang nggak jauh beda. Semuanya masih kelihatan abu-abu. Sekarang sepertinya masalahnya lain lagi, ya.

*SIGH*

Udahlah, aku biarin kamu diem selama yang kamu mau aja. There's no point talking it.
Just so you know, I'm still here.
Waiting. :)

crush

Me, You, Her

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

"Maaf"
Untuk?
"Udah bikin kamu marah"
Kenapa?
"Iya, tau yang tadi."
Apa?
"Salah kirim."
Bukan salah kirimnya. Berapa kali aku bilang. Ngapain gitu lho aku marah2 cuma karena salah kirim. Nggak penting ya to.
"Iya, iya maaaaf. Uda jangan marah2 lagi dong"

Fine. As you wish. Lagian ngapain juga kamu ngurus aku yang lagi marah. Aku yang marah ini se-per-berapa pentingnya ngurusin dia yang sakit sih. Aku lho tidak tergeletak lemah di ranjang. Aku segar bugar, sehat, bisa masuk sekolah, ketawa2 sama temenku.

Kamu butuh dia sekarang? Kamu kepikiran dia? Ya udah sms aja. Atau telepon sekalian aja. Nggak apa2 kok. Cuma temen kan? Cuma temen kok. Iya cuma temen. Jadi nggak apa2 kan. Iya nggak apa2 kok. Nggak apa-apa....

Terserah kamu deh sekarang, sayang. Kamu mau perhatian ke siapapun, dengan bentuk apapun, aku nggak akan jealous2an lagi. Kaya anak kecil, iya kan? Terserah deh, itu hakmu. Terserah. Kamu jadiin aku prioritas ke-sekian belas juga nggak apa2. Hakmu juga. Nggak bakal deh aku marah2 lagi. Janji deh.

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Stories

Followers

Joyeux Premier Anniversaire

Don't I Deserve to Know?

You Are Happier When You Are Less Caring

Tell Me Why

For Everything's Sake

Ugly Little Things

Taylor Swift - If This Was a Movie

Kebutuhan, Emosi, Trauma?

Faith, Trust, and Other Similar Things I Should Have In You

Friday, June 11th 2010. 11:42 pm

Nostalgia de Telenovela

Gini Ini Salah ta?

Apa Itu Cinta

Used to

Trauma Masa Lalu

27 Mei 2009

NOTHING to Talk About

I Need to TALK

What Now

Me, You, Her

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