There's still a 'room' for him
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Think I'd forgotten him. Think I'd swept him away from my mind. Think I'd gotten him away from my heart. Think it has healed.
But, Do you know?
It HASN'T.
Though it's not as painful as it was before, but still, I can feel it. The pain that always attacks me right after I remind his name, his figure. The thing is, I don't really mind to feel that pain. The pain that is the only thing to make me sure that you was real. Since you was no longer visible to me. Only memories that left. Memories 'bout your scent, memories 'bout your hand that always held my hand, memories 'bout 'your song,' memories 'bout' your-lovely-basketball.
Everything just gets worse all the time.
First, in my first year of high school, I saw your 'twin'. He just looked like you. That really breaks my heart.
That was the first time I realize that I miss you, a part of me is missing you badly.
That was the first time I realize that the feeling I have on you is love.
Then, in my second year (has been 1 year I've been waiting for you. knowing that it's impossible, but still, I do it), I met your another 'twin'. The boy-class-next-door. He screwed my heart just like the one before. Because I fell in love wif him. Silly. The story actually is not this simple.
But it's enough to woke me up that you're not so worth to be waited and to be fighted for.
But, again, my life story is never this simple.
I made a big big big mistake and that was a big big big idiocy of mine. I opened the album of my school's class meeting, June 2009. There is photos of him. The twin of yours. The boy-class-next-door. I remember 'bout how I have fallen for him, and so I remember 'bout you.
And this what makes that is a big big big mistake of mine.
I've had a BOYFRIEND. I am no longer single. God has fulfilled my wish.
The fact that I still can feel the pain is wrong. The fact that I save a tiny room for you can't be right. It will hurt him as well. I shouldn't do this.
God, I am bad. Really bad.
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